If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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