ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
