The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
tequila makes me forget i have legs
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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