Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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