well you can't waste a boner
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
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