So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
whose parrot is this?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
