tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
