The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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