I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she pinky promised me she was 18
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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