Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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