***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
