Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
