Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
