now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
