we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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