i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
