I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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