Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize
