I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
