its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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