But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
