"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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