We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
