you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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