I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
