I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
