Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I am available for nakedness
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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