Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We are two peas in an std pod
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
