Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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