You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
