omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
porn star boner night. come get it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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