I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
