I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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