i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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