Just fell off a train. Bad.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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