me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
