Nicole vs. Life
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
