I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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