the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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