no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
