Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
