An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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