ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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