we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
