Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
