you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
