We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
