I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
