I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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