dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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