Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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