the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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