wanna go halves on a baby?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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