I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
