Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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